How To Go Back in Time – Book Two – I

The streets of Seattle always rained, though Irwin never cared. Some people did. Some people cried about it. The thing was that Alcoholics Anonymous was four blocks away and he didn’t like driving in Seattle. So with an umbrella and a cigarette in his mouth, he walked.

He finally made it and dropped his umbrella at the door, inside. Paper thin walls. He could hear the voices as he walked up the steps: “—And, I have no idea how she did this, but my dealer, who was my wife, just made everything I ate edibles.” And then Irwin started laughing cause he knew exactly what she was doing.

The door was flung open once the cigarette had been put out against the wall. He didn’t recognize the famous person but they were in the middle of a conversation about God. The leader (probably), was a beautiful black lady with crystalline mirrors for eyes.

“And a new person walks in.” She said with a smile on her face.

I let the corners of my lip curl as smiling was the correct thing to do. I was a fake and none of them knew it. “My name’s Irwin Sander. And I’m not just an alcoholic. I’m, uh, I’m a drug addict.”

“Like what drugs?” A lady said. Then a fat bald guy joined in, curious to learn.

“I started with acid, back in my teens. Did so much I thought I had fried my brain one day and died during a trip. Been too disturbing since then—“

“That was the drug teaching you a lesson then.”

“Exactly.” I said. “Then I moved on the cocaine and pain killers. Haven’t done that shit in a while since I nursed myself off of it with weed and whiskey.”

The leader leaned forward with her hands in a prayer. “How much have you done, Irwin?”

“A lot of it, because it’s… something.”

I looked around at the club of faces. Distraught and poverty-stricken outcasts forced to suffer by their addiction. You live, and you die, by your addiction. And may God help you if you have too many “things.”

Attention was passed around from person to person. I just kept my gaze focused on the ground. I didn’t try to speak or tell a story, yet. Though of course that’d be beneficial. I just couldn’t stop to think why.

I felt the starvation in my gut and left for the bathroom. With the door locked, I took to doing lines. The magic rush. Fits of giggle-coughs. The starvation was abated as I had given the monster exactly what it wants. Blood.

And as blood dripped from my nose I saw a familiar face in the mirror. “Hello. Mr. Sander.”

“Long time no see!”

“It seems like you’ve been more chipper.”

“I, uh, yes! Yes, I have!”

“I’m going to possess you for a moment, alright? Join the converging timelines.”

And before I could even ask what he was doing, my coke had been flushed down the toilet. I looked to the mirror in shock and saw him. “You got that today. No more.”

“Well, at least I won’t get withdrawals…”

“I have to be frank with you. You know this.”

And as I walked to the stair case I had forgotten I was even high. Back in reality, sober. When I got back down I kind of just hung my head in shame. Basically, I had learned my lesson and decided to never do that specific drug again. Something.

AA was over and I could finally feel semi-normal. Checking out a bottle of vodka I was asked for my ID and was very proud. It was gin. Then, sitting in front of my platinum television, my mind had tasked me into heading down to the bar. A need.

Fondling done in the backseat of a car. Both parties extremely drunk because they had sat down and told their entire life stories over whiskey, and beer. That was how I won them over. Literally just not caring, and being myself.

“Okay, so, you’re an FBI agent.”

“Right.”

“Tell me about the cases! Please!”

I grinned and took a sip. “There’d be information I can’t tell you. You’d… literally need to experience it first hand.”

A crow flies down on her face. “Are you serious?”

“I am that serious. Only way I’ve been able to explain it.”

And she sat back down in her seat and came closer. “What could you tell me?”

And through the haze, it seemed like the lights had lowered and the spotlight was thus upon me. “There’s one thing. I went to this backwards town in Wyoming. Fucking nothing but dirt and cold dust out there. Just some farm houses. Though, at night, it’d get beautiful because of the moon. Basically, animals started being attacked and then humans. But, uh, none of it was ever connected.”

“What? Why?”

“The human was a suicide. He hid a note.”

“And the animals?”

I sighed and took another drink. “Couldn’t figure it out. Classic animal mutilations.”

“That’s insane.”

“I know. It’s like, what the fuck is hiding out there in Wyoming?”

She let out a nervous laugh. “Okay, I need a drink.”

“Take a sip of mine?”

“…”

“There ya go.”

She planted a kiss on my lips and then my heart fluttered and knew she’d be mine. Of course, I can’t have relationships. Not bad, at all. Just something I accept and have to live with. I am lonely for one more thing, though.

I got home and sat on the edge of my bed. Somewhere along the line, I had been caught up in a bout of dissociation. Merely drifting through life. Through the bad and cross to the good. “Why is my life so difficult?”

And he appeared. My one and only friend. “You are living a mythic life, Mr. Sander. Remember that you must first die and then be reborn. Think of having to cut to finally heal.”

“Starting from scratch?”

“But with everything you’ve learned.”

“So… my life follows that arc?”

“Exactly.”

I smiled. “God damn it…”