Depending on the article you read, psychologists will say that there are a certain number of types of loneliness. Whether it’s three, seven, or fifteen, there are different types of loneliness, which boil down to two main types. These are:
1. Existential Loneliness
2. Emotional Loneliness
“Existential Loneliness” is basically not really knowing your place in the world. It’s something akin to Weltschmerz (or, world sadness for non-krauts). You find yourself wondering the meaning of life, if love is just a chemical, and just being a dumb emo in general. Meanwhile, “Emotional Loneliness,” is not having many friends, or a romantic partner.
And what we call “existential loneliness,” is caused by thinking too much. On the other hand, “emotional loneliness” is caused by being a big-fat-fucking-loser.
Picture this: It’s two-in-the-morning, and you’ve just been up all night. Maybe you talked with friends, or maybe you just listened to music and sat in bed. And now, it’s early in the morning, and you find yourself thinking. You find yourself questioning, “Why?”
Why do I want to go to the gym? Because I want my body to look better. And why’s that? Well, I don’t want to look bad. Uhuh, now why? Because… I think I look bad? Why do you think you look bad? Because I do…?
And after all the questioning, you just get this weird creeping feeling. Like you’ve just seen through all of existence and you’ve learned you’re in an alien simulation. It’s just empty. Everything is empty.
I once had a conversation with my friend Elliot. It was after a big bonfire, and smoke session. While everyone crowded around the fire, and passed joints, I was pretty bored. So, I decided to do running jumps over the fire, again, and again, and again. This eventually tired me out, and Elliot and I sat on the couch, talking.
“This is the tenth car I’m getting.” He said. “A 2007 Honda Fit.”
“Tenth? Jesus-fucking-Christ, dude. You’ve only been driving for three years!” I said, reeling back.
“Facebook Marketplace, I found them all there.”
I let out a big ol’ laugh. I couldn’t really believe what I was hearing. “Okay, but I just don’t get it.”
“Get what?”
“Just… why? Why so many cars?”
Elliot paused for a moment, looking me in the eye. “You know that thing with Alissa?”
Alissa was this whore who only hung out with guys. But the thing was, she was all just keeping them on a string. Eventually, she found her way to Elliot, and he fell in love with her. They dated for a month, and then she cheated on him.
“Yeah, I know.” I said.
“That’s why, and it’s just happened all my life. I just need something to work on, to distract me from that lonely pit. And, this is my tenth car—how many more am I gonna need until I feel content?”
A lot of things in life work this way. You can ignore you’re problems all you want. You can buy all the food—you can buy all the cars! But, at the end of the day, when you finally sit with yourself—you’ll feel that something just ain’t quite right. The problem is still there, lurking.
Discover more from Kenneth Clay, Writer
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