H: Chapter Eighteen

You know what? Totally feel free to skip this chapter. As long as your okay with missing some totally badass and orgasmic writing, of course.

Jeremy sits on a rock, overlooking the sea. The waves come to the sand and recede back into the ocean. Jeremy thinks about how we are all just one wave in the sea, joined together by the ocean. One piece of a greater whole, a gestalt, experiencing itself in a multitude of different ways.

Next, Jeremy thinks about his parents. His absent father, and his neglectful mother. He thinks about how ever since he gained consciousness at the ripe age of three, there was something missing from him. He’s really just been a fraud this whole time. He’s just said the right words, and used the right gestures, to be portrayed as a functional human being. But deep down he knows that he’s isn’t that, he’s really just no one. Underneath all the fraudulent words, facial reactions, gestures, there’s nothing. Just a black hole.

He thinks about how he tried to fill that void with drugs, sex, booze, and money. Hell, he spent ten years working at a law firm in New York City. He bought a big-ass house, had a sexy wife, had three-children, but that doesn’t mean shit. It’s just a decadent charade. The truth is, he hated his firm, his co-workers, his wife, even his kids. So he gave it all up, just to sit on this rock and just… be.

Jeremy thinks about his past girlfriends and boyfriends. He went to parties with them, he met their friends, he laughed with them, but none of it was genuine. Everyone loved him, but nobody really knew him. And for this, he hated them, but above all, he hated himself the most.

Something Jeremy used to fill the void was religion. He read every book by every guru out there. He learned to realize the self, and realize that he is really nothing. Just a piece of the gestalt. But even this fell apart. He still had to go to work, take his ungrateful wife and children out. Nothing really filled that void.

Coming to the realization that nothing will fill the void (yet), he meditates. He closes his eyes, he breathes, and he relaxes. He does this for several days with nothing happening. He still keeps at it though, but he doesn’t know why.

On the fortieth day of straight meditation, a black spirit appears in front of him.

“I will give that which you crave most.” The spirit says.

Jeremy slowly opens his eyes. “And what is that?”

“A mound of dirt,” the spirit explains, “for that hole inside you.”

“And what’s the catch?”

“It’ll kill you.”

Jeremy takes a deep breath and smiles. “I’ll take it.”

The spirit smiles and laughs. In it’s hand appears a jar of pills. “This is what you wanted.” The spirit slowly mumbles. It gives the jar of pills to Jeremy, and he takes one out, and swallows it. The spirit disappears in a flurry of flames as it’s cackles echoes all throughout the beach.

I now have you in my grasp, Jeremy. Keep taking the pills, keep taking your medicine, and you’ll be made okay. I will hold you in my heart forever. I will make you okay. We shall be joined together in theatrical love. You and me, forever. Until your death.

Jeremy lives on that rock for a good year. He keeps taking me. He doesn’t eat, he doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t even speak. He is mine, and he will always be mine. There is no escape from my narcissistic love.

Jeremy finds that if he skips a day, he feels sick. Like each muscle is slowly being torn apart. He wants to stop, but he knows that he is now in my hands. Jeremy wants to break free, he wants to go back to his family. “Take me back!” He pleads. “Take me back!”

I’m afraid that can’t happen, Jeremy. I’m sorry, really, I am. But you did this to yourself, all because you wanted an escape, you stupid motherfucker. You abandoned your family, your friends, everything, just to be with me. You’re fucking pathetic.

On the last day, he runs out of me. He lays back, and a single breath is drawn from his cold lips, and he is gone.

I’ll take your soul to rest, Jeremy. I’ll take you to rest.